My New Dad

So I had lunch with my awesome friend Tim today and he again gave me some insight into life. He always makes these profound points that maybe I could have seen on my own but he has a way of putting them in front of me so I can see what I need to see! Anyway, I was telling him about going to my Dad's funeral in the beginning of February and how I finally decided to forgive my Dad for never being around and for being awful to me when he was around. I forgave him and realized that he was human and it is unhealthy for me to keep anger and resentment inside so I let it go and had a great experience in California doing that. I realized that I forgave him and was able to actually feel love for him as a human being. I realize that he is now peacful and not angry anymore and with that peach that he has found, maybe he can now give me what I always longed for as a little girl: a daddy to hold me and protect me and tell me everything was going to be ok when things were scary or not good.

With that, I also believe that people who die come back and talk to you in subtle ways like through dreams or leaving signs and stuff. My grandfather has come to me in dreams before and my grandmother has actually seen him in her room at night before. With that belief I was hopeful that my Dad would come back and talk to me in some way. So a few weeks ago I had a dream that he wrote me a note that said "it's ok, I am here and everything is going to be ok". I truly believe that is him talking to me. And now, for the first time in my entire life, I can actually say "I have a Dad". I have never been able to say that and Tim helped me to realize that he can be a Dad to me now more than he ever was able to before. My Dad had so many issues and so much anger that he was incapable of loving me or anyone else for that matter. He obviously did not love himself and was a very conflicted person. Now, he has passed away, his anger is gone and he has peace...now, he can be the father that I never had, he can come to me when I'm down and tell me it will be ok, and maybe he can give me fatherly advice...

It sounds strange because alot of people know what that is like, but I don't. I'm lucky that I had my mom because she was great but there was always a hole. Now it is filled with the hope that he has found peace and the hope that he can now be the father that I never had and maybe the grandfather that Griffin will long for one day...